“If I’d only known..”

I do my best thinkin’ going’ down the road.  I call it Road Thinkin’.

I am not sure why that is. Maybe it is the monotony of the road, the sound of rubber on asphalt, maybe it’s the monotony of the passing terrain, it’s not like driving through scenic mountains.  Possibly the various monotonies moved current things like the world falling apart to the side and let more important thoughts come to the surface.

Joyce and I were driving from our home in the Oklahoma Panhandle to Wichita to visit our daughter and her family. That is two hundred plus miles of unexciting terrain. There is the occasional hill, the slow-down for the speed trap in Minneola, the usual stop at Love’s Country Store at Cunningham, and then an increase in speed on the four lanes on to Wichita.

We were going to see our grandson’s basketball ball game. So far, we had missed them all.

We do not like to miss our grandkids activities, but we had been out of the country visiting another daughter and her family. Just a few days after arriving home Joyce’s kidneys failed and they medevacked her to Northwest Texas Hospital in Amarillo TX. Things like that can happen if you live in the boonies and need sudden specialized medical care.

Thankfully, she is doing much better thanks to her medical team of Dr. Appling in Liberal and Dr. Esther and Dr. Saadaldin at NWT.

As we drove toward Wichita this recent happening in our lives added importance to the lyrics of Casting Crowns’ great song Scars In Heaven coming through the car radio tuned to KJIL.  That started my Road Thinkin.’

The lyrics were:

“If I had only known the last time would be the last time

I would’ve put off all the things I had to do

I would’ve stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I’d give for one more day with you”

It occurred to me that we, Joyce, and I, had just had a close call.

I had a flashback to that recent late afternoon visit to the ER at Southwest Medical Center in Liberal. About midnight the ER visit became an emergency medical flight for Joyce to NWT hospital in Amarillo TX where they, in the words of the ER doctor, “had a kidney guy!” 

But for me it was the lonely drive home to hopefully get a few hours sleep and then then another lonely drive to Amarillo wondering how this was all going to work out.

The medical transport crew brought the gurney in and quickly and efficiently placed her on it, wrapped her up in a silver blanket like she was some kind of baked potato, connected all the medical gauges etc. to monitor her condition during the flight and wheeled her out the door. 

It was all so sudden. There was really no time for any kind of goodbye. It never occurred to me one might be needed.

I did not see her again for several hours. What if the several hours had become never?

At NWT Hospital The “kidney guy” became a kidney lady and soon Dr. Esther had Joyce on the way to recovery, not even needing further dialysis. A miracle in our eyes.

But back to now; I drove toward Wichita listening to Casting Crowns’ lyrics and I could see we had just been part of a couple of potentially “last time” situations, failed kidneys, travel in a small plane, possible other complications.

I was thankful everything had worked out for us. There are however no guarantees, so I took Casting Crowns’ lyrics to heart. I am going to try to appreciate the moments knowing they could suddenly be the last.

Maybe a good thought for us all.