Thoughts on kindness

A recent Linkedin post by Leah Rosson M.Ed. caught my attention.  She shared Job Vanvliet’s story of how as a young boy he grew up experiencing the hardships of World War 2 both in Indonesia his country of birth, and then back in war ravaged Holland, followed by the failure of the Zuider Zée dam that destroyed much of Holland’s food producing crop-land.

It’s a tale of being deprived of most of life’s necessities. Food, medicine, and clothing. They were all in very short supply.  He felt he and his family were close to starving.

In Vanvliet’s words: “Were it not for the Americans, I may well have starved to death.  Their generosity was unlimited in supplying food, medical attention, clothing and kindness.  I will never forget that.”

We can take much from his words. There is gratitude, and there is appreciation for America, her people and for their generosity.  I thought that interesting as it’s something not often recognized or expressed these days.  Even people born and raised with our amazing freedoms, resources, and opportunities fail to appreciate America.  Many of today’s elected leaders also fail the appreciation test.

The truth of Vanvliet’s words is clear. The words and emotions are etched in his memory by the multiple styluses of hunger, sickness, and ill treatment.  

But really,  his list is small

There is a relatively small list of things we as humans actually need to survive.  Decades after his experience, Vanvliet lists them.  His list is interesting as some items are obvious, but one is not.

Food: we know what that is.

Food is a tangible thing.  We understand it’s purpose in our lives. Interestingly, today many people in our society seem afflicted with the opposite problem, too much food.

We see food daily in its many forms. We have different foods for different meals, eggs for example are usually for breakfast, steaks for dinner. TV commercials and ads on social media entice us to purchase food we may or may not need or even like.  In some cases the commercials tempt us to join programs that will help us eat less, but hopefully better food.  

We know what food looks like, how it feels, how it tastes, and usually how it smells.  We know the various ways different foods are processed, packaged, stored, transported and prepared.  Simply put, we know a lot about food.

And, we know where to get it!

Feeling ok?

In our day and in our country, medical attention is something many take for granted.

Medical attention is tangible.  It can be as simple as an aspirin or a Band-Aid, maybe something “off-the-shelf” from your local Walgreens.  

Medical attention might also be complex, as the cancer treatments several in my family including myself have received in recent times.  It could be anything in between, maybe the setting of fractured bones, the cleaning and treatment of wounds, insect bites. etc.

Medical attention assumes a practitioner, a Doctor or a Nurse. 

We know where to go for medical attention.

We know what food looks like, and we have a good idea of what medical attention looks like. 

I love your outfit!

The third item Vanvliet mentioned was clothing.

Clothing is yet another tangible.  We know what clothing looks like.  And again, Madison Avenue with their slick TV and social media ads do their best to convince us we don’t have the latest or best style of clothing, enticing us with clever words and images to purchase more.

Few stores don’t have some type of clothing for sale.  There are stores for specialized clothing, cowboy clothing, outdoor clothing, sports clothing, travel clothing, wedding clothing, I could go on.  Clothing is easily taken for granted.

We all know where we can get clothes.

In our day the tangible items of food, medical attention, and clothing are each in their own distinct ways, multi-billion-dollar industries.

But what about that other item on Vanvliet’s list?

What about kindness?

In what type of package does one find kindness?  What does it look Ike? How is kindness transported?  How is it stored?  Are there stores where you can purchase kindness?  What does it cost?

Kindness is intangible.  Not easily touched, or smelled, and much like the manna of Old Testament times, not easily stored for later use. It can’t be bought.  You cannot order it from Amazon.  You can’t get it off any of the endless shelves in Walmart or Walgreens or your favorite box store.

Yet, I’d suggest intangible kindness may rival in importance the tangible items on Vanvliet’s small list.

Kindness is powerful.

As it turns out, kindness really does have a shape.  And it is powerful.  

I remember kindnesses from decades ago. You probably can as well.

Those kindnesses came in the shape of my Mom or my Dad, a Grandmother, or maybe the special kindnesses of a mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

I’ve experienced kindnesses from men who took a guy struggling to start a business into their confidence, sharing beneficial business wisdom. 

I’ve experienced the kindness of people who live thousands of miles away in other countries, people who had no real reason to help me at all, but did anyway.  Some have become good friends (even after having met me in person).

I’ve experienced and remember the kindnesses extended to me at times when it seemed no one cared.  Do you remember the 70’s hit song by Three Dog Night, Joy To The World?  The lyrics include the line, “Jeremiah was a bullfrog, and a good friend of mine.”

I recall first hearing that song and those words at a US Navy remote communications site in Iceland. It was my first duty station in the real Navy. Previously I had been a student in several Navy communications schools.

There weren’t many of us on our isolated mountain. We were physically cut off from the rest of the world except by a single fragile communications link.  

For a kid from friendly small-town America,  the Navy wasn’t always the friendliest place.  I remember wishing I had someone like Jeremiah for a “good” friend.

I remember the kindnesses of those who came alongside my wife and I as new Christians, encouraging us in our walk on a new path for our lives.  One in particular we called “Barnabus,” the name the Apostle Paul tells us in Acts 4.36 means “Son of encouragement.” That is what he was to us.

These and others are some of my vivid memories of kindnesses I can relate to you today.  If time permitted, I could fill other blanks with names and places.

A more recent kindness was the one of friends who prepared dinner for us every Friday evening for two months as we traveled home from a week in Denver for radiation treatments for my prostate cancer.  It’s a 350 mile plus trip and a lovely home cooked meal was very much appreciated.

And another:  Just a few years ago in Scotland, I had occasion to meet a gentleman near a tea shop where the A91 and it’s historic old bridge cross the River Eden.  A place interestingly enough called Guardbridge.  There was an antique shop nearby.  That was the attraction for us both.

That gentleman and I visited for maybe 30 minutes at most. We shared a common interest in old fountain pens, we discussed the dampness of the day. He told me interesting information about the flocks of geese passing overhead as we visited. But due to the constraints of the day, we had time for little else.

It wasn’t long after returning home that a package arrived in the mail.  It was from my new friend.  As I opened the package, I found two really nice old fountain pens.  This was a kindness not soon to be forgotten.

I can remember as I sit here writing today those instances of kindnesses, and others stretching back decades.

My wife and I have been working at this thing called life for over fifty years now. There are her innumerable kindnesses that are many times what gets me through the day when circumstances conspire against me.

I have described the shape of some of the kindnesses in my life. What are the shapes of some of the kindnesses in yours?  I hope you have memories of kindnesses as well.  I hope they are not all distant.

Your task is to pass it on, be the shape of kindness to someone else today.

Recently my wife and I had the “opportunity” to travel by air.  A delayed flight provided us with the opportunity to spend twelve extra hours in Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.  It was interesting to observe people and their different ways of  handling our stressful situation. Not everyone handled it well.  But there there were some occasional acts of kindness displayed. I was proud of us.

During the course of our delay, we had occasion to meet a gracious young lady, a flight attendant on our soon to be delayed flight from Rochester.

As we visited, she told us she had been a flight attendant for several years.  Asked how she liked it, she paused before saying, “It is different now.”  “People are so different, they just aren’t the same these last few years.”

I really don’t think she had any advanced degrees in psychology or behavioral sciences.  I think she’s just in a position to be an astute observer. What she was really saying was, people, as a whole,  are no longer kind.

I think she’s right 

We could spend several blog pages discussing why that is.  If you have thoughts on that, feel free to leave a comment.

Don’t forget the list, the small list. It was food, it was medical attention, it was clothing, all easily acquired, and it was kindness, the difficult one.

Be the shape of kindness to someone today! 

For several decades we have been living in a generation that could be labeled the “Me” generation. It’s all about me!

That’s not really true, It really isn’t all about me.  We are in this together.  We all pay for the lack of kindness found in a society that thinks that way.

You don’t have to be a bullfrog to be a good friend.